I've been struggling lately with a commitment
I have to a particular ministry. It's not
that I don't feel called to it; it simply
feels like I've been spinning my wheels for
far longer than good sense dictates. "Discouraging" is the word I use
to describe
my inner life because of the emotional drain.
I acknowledge there are "two sides of the coin"
in whether I should continue to stick with it
or resign with as much integrity and grace as
I can find. What I see now is:
· I have the gifts and skills needed to do
this ministry.
On the other side, the older I get the
more determined I am to work with high
purpose and to stop spending so much time on
second and third tier priorities.
· The leaders of the team say they are
devoted to these ministry tasks, but don't
appear to give them the time, energy, and
focus needed for success.
On the other side, I realize how much
I do like to be in charge (and spend time
thinking about what I would do differently if
it were so.)
· I'm the
one who made the choice to get
involved. It's up to me to use healthy
boundaries and to say "no" when necessary.
On the other side, there are some
things that take pushing through in order to
move forward -- there's no going over, going
under, or going around.
What I'm praying for (though I would like the
easy way out) is that this experience would
significantly deepen my trust and dependency
on God. I don't like it. I'm not happy with
it. I'm struggling to find my way. But I do
believe God will use it.
My natural inclination is to work so much on
other things that I shove the struggle out of
my mind. Instead it's taking far more
intentionality and lots more reflection on my
part to give God the time and space to work
this out. (God probably wishes I handled more
of my life that way.)
If you are wrestling with discouragement, or
struggling to find the time and space to work
your "stuff" out with God, I hope that you
will consider setting aside time for our one-day
Clergy Renewal Retreats next month.
Yes, you are very busy with other things.
On the other side, you know a day of
spiritual refreshment is very much desired
and needed. May you be intentional and choose to invest
your time wisely. Ministry should never be a
coin flip.
